What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
