i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
