what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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