I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
