a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
