His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
