Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
