Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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