3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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