Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Randomize
