I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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