I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
