Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
