in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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