Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
