Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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