Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
