11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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