I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We are all done wearing pants today
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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