You were right. It hurts to walk today.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
and you fell through a lawn chair
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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