A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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