we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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