So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
