Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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