haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
