Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
