No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
