i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
