Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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