I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize