No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
