Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
