pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
