Got a toothbrush?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
