You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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