I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
