Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize