spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
