I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
