yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
