drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
