I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
