Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
