did you get engaged???
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
