my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Acid is not a monday night drug
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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