a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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