I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
