Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize