Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
