Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
