if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
You have to summon your inner elephant
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
