I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
