I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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