she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
That accounts for only three of the penises
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You were trust falling into bushes
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize