I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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