We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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