she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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