Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
