if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
