My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize