I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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