I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
