Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
