I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
