i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Im part way to drunk.
Randomize
