there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
