I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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