I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
