If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And then he peed in my hair
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
