we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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