The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
