This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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