Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
