Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
