Farmville is her only friend.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My vagina just clenched in fear
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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