Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize