Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
