That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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