Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
