I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize