He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I would ride that face into the sunset
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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