im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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