I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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