i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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