I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
