so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
