no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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