dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
