You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
