Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize