I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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