I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
