Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
