Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize