She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im holly from the hills drunk
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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